It’s been 9 days since I sent that message, and almost a week since I got the call back to talk about it, it was not easy at all, neither to write it or to talk about it.
The conversation had some highs and lows, moving around the communication issues and the lack of interest mainly on mi side, I know I’m not the best person in terms of loving and caring, but it’s always hard to listen to some concepts during the conversation that were not that accurate, you know, knowing only half of the story.
I haven’t been feeling good at all lately, I still feel the same as when it all started back in July 2025, the constant loneliness and lack of self care/love.
Around August I stopped playing and passing the time with the boys in the discord, because of a weird situation where I felt super excluded and no one really cared about it. I kinda started watching anime after work until I hit the mid-day nap, have some fun days watching Akame ga Kill! and DanDaDan, oh and also the cool and different Rascal does not dream of Bunny Girl Sempai.
All of them, pretty interesting topics but catchy enough to keep me busy until I get sleep, you know.
I don’t think it’s ok to be at bed waiting to get some nap time, while watching animes so I can scape out of my real life issues.
A veces es fome sentirse solo, sentirse inentendido y que el mejor panorama ideal sea estar acostado fingiendo demencia del mundo, pero por mucha focus, uno igual cae es esos panoramas mas destructivos. Si no fuera porque el vino viene en botella grande, pos no me da kkffk
Did have some interest in checking Tarkov, since the next wipe will be interestingggg, lot of improvements and new cinematics for the blackdivision army. pretty pretty interesting to play. on November
After breaking up. I still love you Fran, and I still feel the same as how it was months ago.
l’m just missing some conversations to keep in touch, but it’s something complex to bring into the table after all of that.
But I still love you, I still remember your smell when you used to wake up next to me, I still remember your beautiful and cozy face when you were waking me up, I still remember desire to become something bigger for both of us, even tho it was’t looking good at all. and I still miss the hellos and goodnies,
Today was the birthday of Arturo, and I completely forgot to send a salute since I kinda don’t care that much about him. Also no restaurant appointment with my father either, so lack of interest around we all.
Seems like the things at work aren’t looking good, me and nico don’t have any task for the next 3 sprints because Airmiles is not really into UI initiatives, so we will be kicked eventually, just a matter of time.
I also had my performance review, which was awful as always, not the whole performance is compared against other people in the team, so I’m kinda getting evaluated as if I was a Senior Engineer, even when I’m a Semi Senior Adv Engineer (and for the last 3 years a 2 months). lame af.
Hope tomorrow is a better day, I heard Hollow Knight Silksong was released couple days ago, so maybe I’ll buy it, that’s a good source of distraction and playing dumb irl.
Have a great night future me.
